Humor

In the midst of liberals condemning the tone of anti-Obama conservatives, Bill Maher on Friday pointed to a vulgar and sexually-explicit text message Tiger Woods reportedly sent, which promised aggressive sexual behavior, as representing the attitude Democrats should adopt from the “lying bullies of the right.”

Maher quoted from Woods: “I want to treat you rough, throw you around, spank and slap you and make you sore....I'm going to tell you to shut the f**k up while I slap your face and pull your hair for making noise.” Maher declared that “perfectly represents the attitude the Democrats should now have in their dealings with the Republican Party.” He prefaced his “New Rules” tirade:

Here's a word President Obama should take out of his Teleprompter: Bipartisanship. People only care about that in theory, not in practice. The best thing that happened this year is when Obama finally realized that and said: “Kiss my black ass, we're going it alone George W. Bush style.”

Maher descriptively contended “Democrats need to push the rest of their agenda while their boot is on the neck of the greedy, poisonous old reptile,” arguing: “We need to regulate the banks, we need to overhaul immigration, we need to end corporate welfare including at the Pentagon, we need to bring troops home from everywhere, we need to end the drug war...”

Audio: MP3 clip (3:30)

This is the "change" we were waiting for?

Chris Matthews could have a future in comedy if only his funniest moments weren't unintentional.

Here's today's knee-slapper: The Washington Post is not ideologically liberal in its editorials [MP3 audio available here].

Matthews made that pronouncement today during live coverage shortly after the conclusion of the ObamaCare signing ceremony. The "Hardball" host's comment followed MSNBC correspondent Savannah Guthrie's observation that ObamaCare is a "Rorschach test" that Democrats and Republicans will respond to along ideological lines in the run-up to the midterm elections in November:

CHRIS MATTHEWS: Let me go to Jonathan Capehart on that, because he has to write editorials for the Washington Post, which is kind of hard to read ideologically these days.

[laughter off camera]

Sunday's Doonesbury comic strip mocks the tea-party movement -- as if the Obama era were defined by tax-cutting. Gay public-radio talk-show  host Mark Slackmeyer is interviewing "Lamont Whirley," tea party activist:

Mr. Whirley, as you know, the original Boston Tea Party was a protest against taxation without representation...

But the modern Tea Party movement was formed last spring...

...in response to your duly elected representatives enacting tax cuts for almost all American workers.

Can you explain the tea party's philosophical incoherence?

Doonesbury creator Garry Trudeau then draws "Whirley" as a wacko, wearing a Santa suit and beard, an Uncle Sam top hat, a powdered white wig, and a robber's mask, as he holds a pumpkin. Whirley replies: "Our what?" Slackmeyer responds: "Never mind -- elitist question."

Recycling a theme which President Barack Obama used last year at media dinners, that shows self-awareness of how journalists are allies, headlining Wednesday night’s Radio and Television Correspondents Association dinner carried live on C-SPAN2, Vice President Joe Biden quipped those in the audience are Obama’s “base.” One of Biden’s lines:

The truth is I can't believe I'm here with you guys tonight. Here I am, the first Irish Catholic Vice President in the history of the United States of America. Barack Obama, the first African-American in the history of the United States of America. He's hosting a St. Patrick's day dinner and I'm here with you all [audience laughter]. Go figure. He's with my base, I'm with his.

That elicited groans from the audience of journalists at the Washington Convention Center. Too close to the truth?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Yes, I am aware that (R) means "right", just thought it looked funny. Hence the "humor" tag at the bottom.

Has Chris Matthews's brain been exiled to the Phantom Zone?

The "Hardball" host has a penchant for making loopy cinematic references, such as the time he compared Rush Limbaugh to the villain in the James Bond film "Live and Let Die."

Well, yesterday the MSNBC host made some odd, labored metaphor that found the former vice president being compared to Jor-El, the biological father of Superman (audio here; transcript via NB's Geoffrey Dickens):

Sad, but some of our fellow countrymen are actually buying this.

In the latest issue of Vanity Fair, Mark Seal took an inside look at David Letterman's sexual scandal and the love-triangle that rocked CBS's "Late Show" last October with Letterman's live confession on-air. Interested in juicy details and pop psychology, Seal effectively vindicated Letterman for the numerous affairs he had with various employees, assistants, and interns.

As the article notes, the scandal came to a head when Joe Halderman, a veteran but financially-troubled producer of "48 Hours Mystery," discovered his live-in girlfriend and "Late Show" intern Stephanie Birkett was having an affair with the host.Halderman attempted to blackmail Letterman with stories about multiple women whose careers progressed because they slept with the star. In September '09, New York's district attorney charged Halderman for attempted grand larceny by extortion.

Seal interviewed Rob Burnett, executive producer of the "Late Show" and one of Letterman's closest friends, for the story, allowing Burnett to inform the world of his "myth busting" account of the saga.

President Obama continuously tries to portray himself as a friend to the little-man, middle class and small business. Hence his attacks on "fat cats" who "just don't get it," while labeling the extravagant bonuses as "obscene," and "the height of irresponsibility."

Meanwhile, members of his administration, in defending a sweeping small-business aid program Obama announced in his State of the Union, give reason to wonder if they really understand how to help small business. 

Among the administration's proposals for small businesses are a $5,000 tax credit to hire new workers, elimination of capital gains taxes, and new incentives to invest in plants and equipment. At the same time, however, the administration plans to raise taxes on "the wealthiest Americans."

Washington Post "investigative humorist" Gene Weingarten mocked conservatives again in Sunday’s Post Magazine, playing off the recent Daily Kos poll playing up the number of Republicans who believe Barack Obama wasn’t born in America, is a racist, and should be impeached. Weingarten makes no mention of the leftist source of his data. For all the reader knows, it’s a Gallup poll. Weingarten then makes up his own poll questions and answers for "humor,’ and the lowest blow is smearing conservatives with an anti-Semitic brush:

Do you trust any mainstream TV or print publications?

Eighty-one percent said, "Only Fox News."

Nineteen percent said, "Only The Protocols of the Elders of Zion."

Here’s more of his fake poll of the right-wing haters:

I'm confused. If  major media allows/promotes the hatred of a group (tea partiers) they must think it's okay to be a racist now. right?

 

The latest episode of the NewBusters' Notable Quotables show features a special guest, Big Hollywood Contributor and stand-up comedian Evan Sayet.

Sayet stopped the Media Research Center studio to join MRC news analysts in mocking some of the latest and most outrageous sound bites from the liberal media.

This week we have CBS's Chip Reid showing exasperation at Americans not appreciating the "success" of Obama's stimulus package, FNC host Geraldo Rivera suggesting Dick Cheney is aiding terrorism, and ABC's John Hendren dismissing the nation-wide anti-Democrat sentiment as merely "a tempest in a teapot." And that's just to name a few.

Current and past episodes, based on the MRC's bi-weekly Notable Quotables publication, can be found on our video sharing website Eyeblast.tv.

Have a good weekend and enjoy the show!    

Special C-SPIN Coverage of the Toyota Recall Hearings [Satire]

House Committee on Energy and Commerce, Subcommittee on Oversight and Investigations

February 23

Begin transcript:

REP. WALDEN (R-OR.): Secretary LaHood, are Toyotas safe to drive?

SEC. LAHOOD: We believe that the Toyotas listed on our Web site are not safe to drive - unlike the sporty, affordable Chevy Cobalt.

REP. SUTTON (D-OH.): So, you're saying that a woman - a minority woman - driving a Toyota is putting her life at risk?

SEC. LAHOOD: Yes ma'am there is a significant risk of her Toyota accelerating, uh, unwantedly. Now had that woman checked out the surprisingly affordable Buick Enclave ...

REP. DINGELL, (D-Mich.): Mr. Secretary, I want to thank you for your forthright testimony here today, and I'd like to ask you if you think these problems in vehicles built at Southern plants might be the result of negligence of workers who are unhappy? I mean workers whose job security and retirement are in constant jeopardy, and who've been denied the opportunity to collectively bargain? Who lack representation?

SEC. LAHOOD: If you mean to imply, Congressman, that these safety issues wouldn't have occurred in cars built in UAW plants, uh, you're absolutely right. Now, for the union professionals who build the luxurious Cadillac Escalade, there's union quality behind every turn of the wrench.

REP. WALDEN: Now let me ...

SEC. LAHOOD: I'd also like to say that the quality doesn't end at the factory door...

REP. WALDEN: Thank you...

SEC. LAHOOD: ...and it extends to those famous Mr. GoodWrench Mechanics...

Great cartoon featured in today's "Morning Briefing" at RedState (h/t Kevin Eder):

 

And that would explain all the grapes that were growing in eastern Canada at the time.

Stand-up comedian and Big Hollywood contributor Evan Sayet found some time to escape the Left Coast and visit CPAC last week and the Media Research Center studio today.

Sayet sat down to deliver some jokes for the next edition of the Notable Quotables (NQ) Show, which will be posted to NewsBusters later this week.

But beyond being a successful comedian, Sayet -- who calls himself a "9/13 Republican" -- has a very serious, thoughtful side as witnessed by a lecture he delivered at the Heritage Foundation in March 2007 wherein he drilled down to the heart of leftist thinking on Western civilization in general and America in particular.

Excerpted below is a key passage from that lecture (the full video via YouTube is also embedded below):

First, we will face several plagues. Locusts, frogs, tax hikes....etc.

 

Will they stand up, or will they fold?

So you think the political tone in Washington, D.C., is hostile?

We've got nothing on our friends to the north.

Consider if you will what happened in the New Brunswick, Canada, legislature Thursday when one member gave the finger to another.

As CBC news reported Thursday, this resulted in his expulsion (video embedded below the fold):

Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad  and Industries Minister Ali Akbar.  February 7, 2010.  Photo Reuters/Raheb Homavandi

They didn't understand the movement 6 months ago. When will they get it?

Check out the latest episode of NewsBusters’ Notable Quotables comedy show. Our news analysts give their take on the latest and most outrageous sound bites from the liberal media.

This week there was everything from MSNBC’s Keith Olbermann proclaiming the U.S. Supreme Court “murdered” democracy to CNN’s Rick Sanchez being unsure what the annual March for Life in Washington was all about.  

To see the current episode in a larger size or to go back and watch past episodes, visit the Media Research Center’s video sharing website, Eyeblast.tv.

Enjoy the show!

he's got...lifeless eyes, black eyes, like a doll's eye

Does anyone seriously believe he will really push for nuclear, offshore drilling, natural gas or that

Pelosi/Reid will let it go through?

Verne Lundquist, closet Republican?  The sports announcer got in a bit of good-natured trash talking while interviewing Pres. Obama during this afternoon's game between Duke and Georgetown in DC that PBO attended.  In a basketball-politics double entendre, Lundquist asked the left-handed Obama "do you have any problems at all going to your right?"

When the president made his way to the announcers table during the second half, he, Lundquist and Clark Kellogg engaged in some b-ball banter. At the very end, an obviously nervous Lundquist hit PBO with his cheeky question. 

Senator Scott Brown, the victorious Republican in last week's special election in Massachusetts who has re-written the political landscape, is scheduled to appear tonight (Thursday) on NBC's Jay Leno Show. After turning down the Sunday shows this past weekend, this will be his first time on a national television program.

He'll field questions in the “Ten @ Ten” segment, in which the guest commonly appears via satellite, to answer ten questions posed by Leno. The feature usually airs toward the end of the hour-long 10 PM EST/PST, 9 CST/MST show. (With Leno moving back to 11:35 PM EST after the Olympics to host the Tonight Show, this will be the last Thursday night edition of the program which will end next Wednesday night.)

UPDATE: ABC's This Week on Sunday, hosted by Barbara Walters, will have Brown as an "exclusive" guest.

Flashback to September, with video: “On Leno's Show, Limbaugh Runs Car Over Al Gore – Then Backs Up and Does It Again”

I feel a lot better now that we know we have his attention. Don't you?

Quip of the day, from columnist Charles Krauthammer on Friday's (January 22) Special Report with Bret Baier on FNC. Baier wondered: “Conservatives, pretty good week?” Krauthammer affirmed:

You know, this is an amazing week. Massachusetts goes Republican, health care dies and the Supreme Court unshackles the First Amendment. It's the best week I've had since spring break in medical school -- and I don't even remember it [laughter from other panelists].

And there was another item which you mentioned: Air America, the liberal talk show network went out of business -- which is a redundancy because nobody was listening anyway.

Who's next?