WashPost 'Humorist' Tries to Decide If Caveman Conservatives Belong in 8,000 B.C. or 3,000,000 B.C.

Liberal Washington Post humorist Alexandra Petri did one of those modernist superiority dances on Saturday’s op-ed page. She started from the news that the Pew Research Center found we’re now choosing to live near people who share our beliefs, “enclaves of shared ideology.”

So when time travel comes online, conservatives will surely take the hint and move severely back into the B.C. time frame:

What you believe: "If the earth is getting warmer, it is not because of anything that humans are doing."

When you should live: Approximately 8000 B.C., at the end of the last ice age, a time when we could say that with certainty.


Hey, maybe the science isn't settled. Just in case, settle in a time before scientists. You want to feel absolutely positive? That comes with a price.

What you believe: "I don't believe women should have access to birth control."

When you should live: 3,000,000 B.C., when you can feel confident that no women have access to birth control because homo sapiens have not evolved yet.

If you don't believe in evolution, Oct. 26, 4004 B.C. should work just fine - one day before God built the Earth, by Bishop James Ussher's calculation, anyway. Definitely no birth control then.

Petri is playing the liberal game of redefining the terms (ridiculously). Conservatives have opposed Obamacare requirements for subsidized contraceptives, not "access to birth control."

The headline was "You might belong in the middle ages." That's what she recommended to opponents of vaccines.

Apparently, you have to be a modernist to believe in ripping an unborn child limb from limb. That's highly scientific. No one favoring abortion was mentioned as earning a ticket to the middle ages.

Tim Graham
Tim Graham
Tim Graham is Executive Editor of NewsBusters and is the Media Research Center’s Director of Media Analysis