Jon Stewart Viciously Mocks Hobby Lobby Decision: ‘Hobby Lobby v. Dirty, Dirty Contraception Whores’

Jon Stewart has been on vacation for the past two weeks and he used his return on Monday, July 14 to mock the Supreme Court’s ruling in favor of craft store Hobby Lobby. 

Appearing on The Daily Show, Stewart slammed the Supreme Court ruling and declared the “final score Hobby Lobby 5, whores 4. Sorry whores.” [See video below.] 

Stewart began the segment by criticizing Hobby Lobby for objecting to four forms of birth control such as Plan B and the IUD that they believe can terminate a pregnancy: 

Aside from codifying the somewhat odd notion that corporations can have deeply felt religious beliefs, one thing struck me about the decision. Hobby Lobby didn't want its employees insurance to cover certain contraceptive methods such as “Plan B” because they said that method caused abortions. So the problem with that is it's not... what's the word I'm looking for? True.

The Daily Show host then turned to correspondent Jessica Williams to further slam Hobby Lobby and blatantly distort the ruling. Williams claimed that “there’s nothing in the actual court decision to stop large public companies from trying to claim the same exemption. But don’t worry, Justice Alto did say it's easy for insurers to pick up any coverage that corporations opt out of providing.”

Stewart didn’t bother to correct Williams and in fact peddled the liberal talking point that "a company’s religious principles could be almost anything. Jehovah's Witnesses oppose blood transfusions. Scientologists object to anti-depressants. I imagine the Amish aren't too keen on ambulances. Where does this end?" 

In writing for the majority, Justice Samuel Alito directly addressed such misinformation Stewart pushed on Monday night:

Our decision should not be understood to hold that an insurance coverage mandate must necessarily fall if it conflicts with an employer’s religious beliefs. Other coverage requirements, such as immunizations, may be supported by different interests (for example, the need to combat the spread of infectious diseases) and may involve different arguments about the least restrictive means of providing them.

Stewart is no stranger to distorting facts for a cheap laugh but it's unfortunate that it had to come at the expense of Americans who don’t want to be forced to violate their religious beliefs to satisfy the contraception mandate in ObamaCare. 

See relevant transcript below. 


Comedy Central

The Daily Show with Jon Stewart

July 14, 2014

JON STEWART: Welcome back. Another big story from just after we went away. We all remember how pipe cleaner paradise Hobby Lobby was not keen on the ObamaCare provision requiring full contraception coverage in employee health plans. Why do they care? That guy. Loves crafts. Hates premarital sex. The case went all the way to the Supreme Court and we finally got our answer. 

BRIAN WILLIAMS: Big day at the Supreme Court on this last day of its term. They ruled that like the rest of us, corporations have a right to exercise their religion. 

TERRY MORAN: ObamaCare, Hobby Lobby claimed, restricted their religious liberty. But does a for-profit organization have religious liberty? Yes, the Supreme Court said today in a 5-4 decision.

STEWART: Yes, the ruling came down in the case of Hobby Lobby, v. dirty, dirty contraception whores. Final score Hobby Lobby 5, whores 4. Sorry, whores. Aside from codifying the somewhat odd notion that corporations can have deeply felt religious beliefs, one thing struck me about the decision. Hobby Lobby didn't want its employees insurance to cover certain contraceptive methods such as “Plan B” because they said that method caused abortions. So the problem with that is it's not.. What's the word I'm looking for? True.

At least according to the Food and Drug Administration and the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists, although what do they know about vaginas. I don’t think... not as much as the owners of a store that sells foam cones and glitter. Look, here’s the jurisprudence beauty part. To the court, the fact that Hobby Lobby is objecting to abortions that never actually happen doesn't meter.

Because as Justice Alito wrote, “it is not for the court to say the plaintiff's religious beliefs are mistaken or unreasonable.” For more we go to Jessica Williams at the Supreme Court. Jessica, thanks for joining us. You know, I’ve read this case. This seems crazy to me. 

JESSICA WILLIAMS: Oh, you know what, relax, Jon. It's a much more narrow ruling than it seems. You know Hobby Lobby was only objecting to four types of birth control, so this will hardly affect anyone.

STEWART: Wow. 

WILLIAMS: You know, unless there's some religion out there that's opposed to all contraception.

STEWART: Oh, like, I don’t know, Catholicism. 

WILLIAMS: Oh, right. I knew I forgot one. 

STEWART: Yeah 

WILLIAMS: But still, the ruling only applies to small, closely held companies.

STEWART: You know what, we’ve heard that term closely held.  What does that mean? 

WILLIAMS: You know what, Jon, think of it as a hug, a hug that squeezes all the sluts off the health plan. 

STEWART: Okay. So this decision is only limited to small, private businesses?

WILLIAMS: Yeah, although, you know technically no because there’s nothing in the actual court decision to stop large public companies from trying to claim the same exemption. But don’t worry, Justice Alto did say it's easy for insurers to pick up any coverage that corporations opt out of providing. 

STEWART: I sense an although coming. 

WILLIAMS: Right. Although a few days later in the Wheaton case, the court also said that even having to do the opt-out paperwork might violate company's religious principles. 

STEWART: Oh dear lord. So a company’s religious principles could be almost anything. Jehovah's Witnesses oppose blood transfusions. Scientologists object to anti-depressants. I imagine the Amish aren't too keen on ambulances. Where does this end? 

JASON JONES: Jon. I'll tell you where this all ends. It ends with pantless Mondays 

STEWART: Jason, we have talked about this. You cannot come to work without pants. We’ve talked about this. 

JONES: You're right. I can't, but my corporation Jonsey Wonsey has a Bonesy LLC can do whatever the [bleeped] it wants. And as a devoutly religious corporation, I cannot let pants jeopardize the health and safety of the baby I have growing in my dick. 

STEWART: I'm sorry. The what now? 

JONES: You heard me, Jon. I've got a dick baby.

STEWART: I don’t...there’s really Jason, there's no such thing as a dick baby. 

JONES: I sincerely believe that there is. 

WILLIAMS: Jon, he's been doing this dick baby thing all damn day.

JONES: Don’t belittle my faith, woman! 

STEWART: Jason, your faith wouldn’t by any chance also forbid you to flush the toilet after you use it, would it? 

JONES: No Jon, that's in the bible. Leviticus 721: Thou shalt not touch no unclean thing.

JONES: Well I’ll be damned. 

JONES: Yes, you will, Jon. 

STEWART: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What is that sound? 

WILLIAMS: Jon, we tied a bell to his dong so we know when he's coming. 

STEWART: I do have to say, Jason as I hope...it looks like the camera adds ten pounds. 

JONES: Oh, no no, that's the baby weight. 

STEWART: Jessica Williams and Jason Jones, everybody. We'll be right back.

Jeffrey Meyer
Jeffrey Meyer
Jeffrey Meyer is a News Analyst at the Media Research Center.