CNN's Carol Costello 'Trying Not to Freak Out' Over Poor Economic News

Carol Costello is trying. She is trying really really hard not to FREAK OUT over the lousy economic news today about the Gross Domestic Product falling 2.9% in the first quarter of the year.

Feeding freaked out Carol economic Soma pills to calm her down is Chief Business Correspondent  for CNN, Christine Romans. However, despite her efforts, it is obvious that poor Carol is still FREAKED OUT as you can see in this CNN Newsroom video (and after the jump) today. Okay, Carol finally declares she is not FREAKED OUT but it is more like she is trying to merely shout away her clear doubts. First we have a very nervous Costello deliver the gloomy economic news:

For a health of the economy had its worst first quarter since the depths of the recession back in 2008. It fell by nearly three percent. Christine Romans is here to explain further. Why did this happen?

Quick, Christine! Throw her a lifeline. Any lame excuse will do. Just get Carol calmed down.

It was terrible weather, Carol. Terrible weather. You had people in the first quarter...Remember how horrible that winter was? You had companies, businesses, stock sitting on the shelves, you had trucks that couldn't move merchandise around the country, you had open houses for homes that couldn't be had, you had job interviews that couldn't take place so you had 2.9% of the economy strength in the first quarter. That is really, really ugly...

Ah yes. The weather again. We had cold weather. I'm almost surprised that Romans didn't add in lice, frogs, boils, and locusts to explain away the reasons for the economy's ills. By this time, Costello must have been really FREAKING OUT but fortunately Romans applied a soothing lotion...which didn't quite do the trick.

...But it's also nothing to be too worked up about. That's what all the economists are saying this morning. Because they think it bounced back in the second quarter. So remember, the GDP numbers is a rear view mirror. It's what happened and it's not really consistent with what's happening right now which is business growth again, business investment again, job growth is happening again, so economists are telling me look at 3 percent, some economists even up to 4 percent for economic growth in the second quarter. So our headline on CNN Money is basically, Carol, a terrible terrible quarter in the economy but don't freak out.

Um, Christine. If you want to calm Carol down, perhaps it might be best not to let out a very nervous laugh towards the end of your reassurance act of what might possibly happen in the economy. And here is Carol still not quite reassured out of her nervousness:

We're so used to ups and downs in the economy right now. I don't think anybody freaks out anymore.

Better jump in here, Christine, because I don't think Carol is completely calmed down yet.

Well, 2.9% shrinking the economy is not good but we can tell you that things are looking better now...

And yet Carol Costello still seems unconvinced as she performs some primal scream therapy to shout away the freak out:

I'M TRYING NOT TO FREAK OUT LIKE YOU JUST TOLD ME!!!

Have no fear, Carol. You can sleep peacefully. Remain calm! All is well.

P.J. Gladnick
P.J. Gladnick
P.J. Gladnick is a freelance writer and creator of the DUmmie FUnnies blog.