Clandestine Classics Porns Up Classic Literature

If you needed more proof of America’s culture rot then brace yourself, because on July 30 you’ll be able to experience classic literature with an NC-17 twist. For those who’ve always longed for sexual exploration between Sherlock Holmes and Watson, or for a bondage re-telling of “Jane Eyre,” get your Kindles and Nooks ready.

But Jane Eyre and Sherlock Holmes aren’t the only beloved characters to be bastardized by writers behind the laughable Clandestine Classics. Thanks to publisher Total E-Bound audiences can relive their hormone-infused high school fanfiction days through a plethora of classic tales, from the Bronte sisters to Jules Verne’s “20,000 Leagues Under the Sea.”

Aren’t convinced? Visit their website, and read a few pornographic excerpts for yourself. 

“I've often wondered whether the Bronte sisters, if they were alive today, would have gone down the erotic romance route," mused Claire Siemaszkiewicz, the company founder.” There’s a lot of underlying sexual tension in their stories."

Siemaszkiewicz’s comments mirror how this generation has warped romance entirely. Today, sexual deviancy is the new form of love, as shown by the nation’s infatuation with the explicit "50 Shades of Grey" bondage trilogy.

With the gay agenda constantly thrust into the limelight, a homoerotic re-telling of “Sherlock Holmes” and “20,000 Leagues Under the Sea” will surely find favor with liberals while “50 Shades” addicts are busy downloading society’s newest low in “Pride and Prejudice,” the racy adult version.

The Bronte sisters and other classic English lit authors are surely spinning in their graves at the new meaning of Mr. Rochester commanding Jane Eyre to “Grab yonder branch!”