Hello folks! My name is Joe Biden. I'm from Scranton, Pennsylvania. I'm a senator because the first guys to endorse me in 1972 were the United Steelworkers of American. The only reason I'm a senator. This is my wife Jill, or actually I'm her husband. And I'll introduce the next two people in their order of their importance. The first and most important person...Michelle Obama. Did you hear her speech at the convention? I tell you, man. I always liked Barack but I love her. And a guy you're not...you don't know much about. He doesn't draw very big crowds or anything like that. A guy from Illinois named Barack Obama.
Hey folks! They tell me this is the deal. You have to hear from me for just a few minutes. But uh, I want you to understand why. There's only one reason. I moved from Pennsylvania. My wife by the way, is from Willow Grove, Pennsylvania. I want you to know the reason I left and went to Delaware. It was real simple. I lived in a place called Greenridge in Scranton, Pennsylvania, north of Washington Avenue. And seven blocks away there was a family called the Caseys. And there was a guy named Bob Casey and then there was Bobby Casey. Bob Casey was 12 years older than me and Bobby Casey was 12 years younger than me. And I knew somebody famous was going to come out of Scranton but I sure as hell knew it wasn't going to be me. So I left.
Where's Bob Casey? Hey Bobby! How ya doin' buddy! He's the real deal!
So can anybody out there tell your humble correspondent just exactly what is in that Beaver drinking water?