I think I might know the reason that Karl Rove didn’t want Sheryl Crow touching him. He’s read her blog, and he knows where her hand has been. What is it with these environmentalists and scatology? First there was “The Year Without Toilet Paper” in the New York Times, and now this. Muzak-friendly pop-rocker, Sheryl Crow and “An Inconvenient Truth” producer and private-jet aficionado Laurie David are on a cross-country college speaking tour to promote the idea of anthropogenic global warming. Crow is blogging her experiences at the Huffington Post, and this time, she really came up with a Duesey (emphasis mine throughout).

Apparently, Crow wants to save the Earth one toilet paper square at a time. She proposed “a limitation be put on how many squares of toilet paper can be used in any one sitting” and perhaps “just washing that one square out.” She doesn’t seem to want to pass a law, just culturally berate us into obedience.  Here is Crow’s “easy way” to be part of the solution to anthropogenic global warming:

Although my ideas are in the earliest stages of development, they are, in my mind, worth investigating. One of my favorites is in the area of forest conservation which we heavily rely on for oxygen. I propose a limitation be put on how many squares of toilet paper can be used in any one sitting. Now, I don't want to rob any law-abiding American of his or her God-given rights, but I think we are an industrious enough people that we can make it work with only one square per restroom visit, except, of course, on those pesky occasions where 2 to 3 could be required. When presenting this idea to my younger brother, who's judgment I trust implicitly, he proposed taking it one step further. I believe his quote was, "how bout just washing the one square out."

I’d like to say she was kidding, but based on other global warming “solutions,” it is hard to tell. Wacky ideas abound. A man-made volcano shooting sulfur into the air, giant “space umbrellas” and even getting rid of toilets so we can compost our own waste in a box underneath the sink.

So, when Crow said that instead of paper napkins, we use a detachable “dining sleeve” on specially designed clothes to wipe the mouth:

I also like the idea of not using paper napkins, which happen to be made from virgin wood and represent the height of wastefulness. I have designed a clothing line that has what's called a "dining sleeve." The sleeve is detachable and can be replaced with another "dining sleeve," after usage. The design will offer the "diner" the convenience of wiping his mouth on his sleeve rather than throwing out yet another barely used paper product. I think this idea could also translate quite well to those suffering with an annoying head cold.

Sounds nutty, but it is any different than space suits keeping cow farts from killing Mother Earth or counting on UFO's to prevent global warming?

It’s too hard to tell when environmentalists are kidding. I’m not even sure if they know. One thing I do know is that the recent push of environmentalism into common culture is no accident.  David told the Guardian that after the 2004 elections, she vowed to devote a year to “changing the national debate about global warming.” She exposed her methods with one revealing quote from a conversation with Robert F. Kennedy Jr, “We need to infiltrate popular culture!” That they did. I just hope that while they are infiltrating, they use hand sanitizer.

(h/t Daily Gut)