The gospel of Obama

And Obama was drawn by the spirit of Alinsky into southside Chicago to be tempted of Governor Blagojevich. After he had labored among the peasantry 40 days and 40 nights he began to hunger for greater power. So Democrats came to him saying, “if you are president material, buy a seat in the state House to begin your career.”

But Obama answered and said, “nay, I shall not buy it, but run for election.” And they marveled at his courage. Obama won election by running uncontested and triumphantly entered the Illinois House.

Then the Democrats took him to the holy city of Washington DC and said to him, “you are a pro-choice Democrat; ravage women, drive drunk, and skip paying taxes. If you are truly liberal you will face no consequence.” But Obama answered them, “I shall mold myself into a clean character and run for Senate.” And the people were astonished.

Obama suffered through a tenuous campaign wherein his enemy, the abominable Jack Ryan, had sealed divorce records exposed a month before the election. Obama won election handily, and there was much rejoicing.

Again the Democrats took him to the tallest place in America, the steps of the White House, saying, “this we will give you, if you vow to do whatever we say.” And Obama said, “get thee behind me! I do not need Clintonites to help me in my endeavors.”

From that time forth Obama began to preach “yes I can.”

Obama wandered across the land, raising money and preaching liberalism, and news of him began to spread. They brought to him people too lazy to work, women too selfish to give birth, elitists unhappy with the middle class owning SUVs – and Obama promised to ease all their burdens.

 Then in 2004 Obama looked upon the masses at the Democrat convention, and he began to instruct them…

Blessed are the poor, for theirs is the welfare check.

Blessed are those with no job, for theirs is class warfare.

Blessed are the media, for they shall control the world.

Blessed are they who hunger and thirst for power, for they shall join my cabinet.

Blessed are the peaceniks, for they shall set foreign policy.

Blessed are the children, for they shall learn about homosexuality.

Blessed are the party operatives, for they shall be well paid.

Blessed are those who hate America, for they shall be my friends.

Blessed are you when conservatives revile you, for that means you have taken my side. Rejoice and be glad, for great will be your reward in my administration.