After returning from a long military excursion in Georgia, Vladimir returns to Putingrad, only to learn his lover, Dmitri, has been secretly searching for rich American suitors online. The following scene takes place in Medvedev’s bedroom where he is applying black fingernail polish and brushing his hair into his eyes.

Putin: I catch you delicious Siberian tiger, Dmitri.

Medvedev: I see pathetic photo op earlier on the Drudge. Did you really kill poor, helpless, endangered Siberian tiger?

Putin: No, no I did not. I kill extremely tasty Siberian tiger…Come, get grilling apron, we feast together.

Medvedev: I want no tiger. There will be no feasting.

Putin: Well damn I just walk in door! ….It charge crew of western journalists! I have no choice Dmitri.

Medvedev: It charge western journalists?

Putin(taking Dmitri's hand and looking into eyes) Yes Russian sugar plum. It did.

Medvedev: You save poor westerners from wild feline?

Putin: Yes, yes I did. Then I take out for rugalahs and ice cream. Good time had by all. Now get ass over here (motioning to large bed)

Medvedev’s blackberry goes off on the counter next to Putin’s arm. It’s a message from Google co-founder Sergei Brin and despite Dimitri’s objections, Putin takes it upon himself to read it.

“Yes I would love to come see either a Panic at the Disco or a My Chemical Romance concert in Moscow sometime. It’s so hard to find people who don’t judge me for listening to emo.”

Putin: I now take away blackberry privileges. And I confiscate razor blades.

Medvedev: Fine, chain smoking phallus puffer, do what you will.

Putin: And I ban terrible music genre.

Medvedev: (storms out) Then I go live with Sergei at Googleplex.

Putin:  Yes, yes go play dress up with American boyfriend. I stay here and defend mother Russia from neo colonialist invaders by myself.

Putin: (on phone) Hello, Hugo? It’s Vladimir -- I catch you delicious Siberian tiger.