How the News Media will cover the FIRES IN CALIFORNIA:

Blowdried/coiffed NEWS READER:

Good evening.  California BURNED today, while President Bush -- mired
in scandal and criticism -- failed to respond.  The President spent
the day swearing in the New "Conservative" Supreme Court justice, but
failed to declare the entire state of California a disaster area,
qualifying the state -- especially those people of color there --
for federal assistance.

Cut away to REPORTERETTE in helicopter:

"Oh Rojer!  It's HORRIBLE!  Where is FEMA?  Where is the NATIONAL
GUARD?  These houses are BURNING!!!  No one is coming to HELP these
people!!"

Anchor NEWS READER:  "But, Judy, aren't the firefighters battling
the fires?"

REPORTERETTE:  "OH but Rojer!  These poor firefighters are
overmatched!  They simply don't have the FEDERAL SUPPORT they NEED
to put out these fires!"  This is due to the President's DISASTROUS
environmental policies, which are now coming back to haunt us ALL!

Anchor NEWS READER:  "So, Judy, what you are saying is that
President Bush's refusal to acknowledge GLOBAL WARMING CAUSED these
fires, and his refusal to personally smoke-jump into the fires shows
his lack of "concern" for the situation -- particularly any PEOPLE OF
COLOR affected by the fires?"

REPORTERETTE:  "Yes John!  This is an OUTRAGE!  Where is the FEDERAL
GOVERNMENT?  These people are DYING!!!... oh, excuse me John, I
need to SCREAM louder becuase some OTHER reporters are ALSO
screaming about the situation."

Anchor NEWS READER:  "No problem Judy.  Courage!  My GOD, just look
at all those BURNED HOUSES!  THEY ARE ALL.. SO... SOO .... BLACK!!!"

REPORTERETTE:  "Oh John!  We have reports of BUNNY RABBITS and
little BAMBI DEER being BURNED by the fires!  We also have reports
that a BLACK cab driver suffered smoke inhilation, further complicating
President Bush's troubles with the African American community."

Anchor NEWS READER:  "Yes Judy.  We are now watching video of the
President at the White House swearing-in ceremony for the new "Chief Justice"
Roberts.  The president shows NO CONCERN whatsoever for the fires!
How can this President be so COLD, AND UNCARING?"

REPORTERETTE:  "I don't know john, but I have an interview here with
former President Clinton, who showed up to show his concern. 
Mr. President:  How do YOU feel about President Bush's refusal to
respond to these fires in an adequate manner?"

CIGAR BILL:  "Well Judy (lower lip bite),  when I was in the Oval Office, we had a
cabinet-level position for handling wildfires.  We spent 10, no,
100, no 1000 more times for fire prevention than President Bush has,
so I guess some can "say" he doesn't care, but the numbers speak
for themselves, now don't they?  I love how you look in that BLUE
DRESS by the way Judy."

REPORTERETTE:  "TEE-HEE !  Back to you, John."

Anchor NEWS READER:  "Thanks Judy.  You are SOOO lucky to be speaking
to American's GREATEST PRESIDENT!  Um, if you guys are going to
be spending some time together after the interview, do you think I
could head on over there and uh, show President Clinton my
"interviewing" skills?"

REPORTERETTE:  "Ok John!  It DOES take a village, after all!"