'Happy' Pop Star Pharrell Tells GQ Hillary Will Win In '16 Because All Women Will Vote for Her
The Washington Post gossips were "Happy" on Wednesday to report that hot pop star Pharrell can see into the future in an interview with GQ: “And by the way: We're about to have a female president. Hillary's gonna win.”
The Post did not include Pharrell’s trippy pop-star reasoning, including the thought that no female, “no matter how staunch a supporter you are of no-abortion,” will vote against Hillary Clinton or for abortion limits. Try and parse this assault on reason:
Let me tell you why Hillary's going to win. Everywhere you go in this country, you have red and blue. You got the Democrats; you got the Republicans. You got the Bloods; you got the Crips. Everything is red and blue in this country. You know what else is red and blue? Blood. Blood is blue in your body until air hits it, and then it turns red. That means there's unity. There's gonna be unity. So when you think about a night where there's late-night talk-show hosts and it's mostly women, that's a different world. Right? A world where 75 percent of the prime ministers and the presidents were women: That's a different world. That's gonna happen, and it's gonna happen when Hillary wins.
Because you know what? No matter how staunch of a supporter you are of no-abortion, whatever you are: You're a woman, and there's no way in the world you're going to vote for somebody that's going to try to tell you what to do with your body. When we are a country and we are a species that has had a martian Rover traveling up and down the crevices of this planet looking for water and ice, okay, and we've had a space station that's been orbiting our planet for sixteen years—but we still got legislation trying to tell women what to do with their bodies? Hillary's gonna win. Listen, I'm reaching out to her right now. She's gonna win.
So all our pro-life leaders – from journalists like Kathryn Lopez to advocates like Marjorie Dannefelser – they’re all voting Hillary?? You heard it from Mr. "Blurred Lines" himself. (He sounds more like Mr. Snorted Lines.)
Then the trash talking really kicked in, that the "Tea Party guys" are racists and all the young girls with "Republican daddies" today are going black and not coming back:
Are you reaching out to be like, "What can I do?"
I can't say but so much, but Hillary's gonna win. Trust me. And it's a two-for-one: Bill is the coolest dude in the game, still plays saxophone, and every woman in the world wants him. It's a two-for-one. Hillary's gonna win. Everybody laughed at me when I said Obama was going to win, but I knew what he represented. But I know what Hillary represents: She represents a woman in power, and she did great as the Secretary of State. She's gonna win.
If it's the other guys—
Who? The Tea Party guys? The guys with the nigger jokes in 2014? They're all trying to learn how to do the Dougie. Please. While their daughters are all twerking. Trust me: Miley tells me all the time. Not saying that about Billy Ray, but I'm saying Miley tells me all the time: All those little girls, all those girls with their Republican daddies, they're twerkin' somewhere listening to Jay Z and Beyoncé and doin' the "Happy" dance. And that's black.