A Poet at the WashPost Imagines St. Peter Shooting NRA's Wayne LaPierre In the Er, Zipper
Washington Post humorist Gene Weingarten -- a former editor of the newspaper's "Sunday Style" section -- is using his "humor" to pinch conservative "evil" again, this time in poetic form. On his weekly chat at washingtonpost.com, Weingarten's "Ode to Pure Evil" is about NRA chief Wayne LaPierre.
In case you don't want to read this entire attempt at rhyme, it ends with a saint shooting LaPierre in the crotch: "Methinks St. Peter will espy him, standing there / And smile, and aim a 30-30 at his scrotum." Did you know liberals wrote "hate poetry"? Here's how it was posted:
In other raging lefty news, I had a slap-to-the-forehead realization at dinner last night. I was thinking about public people I don't like, and I realized that there is one person in the U.S. who is so evil he transcends all others. Can you think of who that is? Give it a second....
Okay, so I decided to honor this person in a poem. As soon as I got home, I wrote a something and sent it to a friend. It was the first stanza of my Ode to Pure Evil.
I shall write some verse for my tomorrow's chat
About the Antichrist, a fetid presence in the air --
I speak of Lucifer, Old Scratch, the Stygian bat,
That dastard, truth's assassin: Wayne LaPierre.
Twenty children dead, and also adults six
Slain by yet another madman a-hole with a gun
Too easily obtain'd; Wayn'd solve it with a fix--
More arms for a-holes! That's the ticket, son.
In Wayne's World, no problem lacks a cure:
Violence begets violence, so he'll say
Arm yourself some more, to feel secure
Against the guy who we armed yesterday,
Others in the public eye are filth and slime
(O'Reilly milks our hate and offers bitter brew on tap)
But Wayne's misdeeds will more withstand the test of time --
Standing as he does before us, unashamed and full of crap.
A toast then, to our friend Wayne LaPierre
For whom gun deaths have been a lucky totem
Methinks St. Peter will espy him, standing there
And smile, and aim a 30-30 at his scrotum.