Satire: Jack Bauer Gets Global Warming Mission
With Saturday's revelation that the hit television series "24" has gone carbon neutral, it only seems logical that some episodes next year might involve characters advancing anti-global warming principles or taking green measures to protect the environment.
Some have suggested lead character Jack Bauer, played by Kiefer Sutherland, might drive a Toyota Prius, for example.
Well, taking the possibilities to a conceivably absurd level for their comedic potential, NB member AGW Heretic has penned a wonderful idea that I certainly hope the good, green folks at Fox will consider for the upcoming season:
- The administration of Wayne Palmer and Noah Daniels is out, and the new president is ideologically similar to Al Gore.
- The definition of terrorism has been expanded to include actions by individuals, corporations or other organizations that "unnecessarily" increase greenhouse gases in the atmosphere.
- CTU, naturally, has been tasked with enforcing the new regulations in the Los Angeles area.
- Early-season incidents include hero Jack Bauer kneecapping an SUV driver and interrogating a homeowner who failed to offset his air conditioner usage.
- Midway through the season, Middle East radicals murder all of the students in a biological attack on an elementary school, but because the attackers manage to pull off their operation with a minimal carbon footprint, the incident ends up being left for local law enforcement to handle.
I sincerely hope that said Middle East radicals, after being found guilty of mass murder, will have their sentences suspended due to the great lengths they went to save the environment.
After all, the worst kind of terrorism is eco-terrorism!