On the left, Hillary's reaction to the owner of the diner saying,'Of COURSE we hire 'undocumented workers.' On the right, her reaction to the owner saying, 'And you have a Merry Christmas, Mrs. Clinton.'

Two perfect side by side pictures of why she will never be President again.

Doesn't get better than this....

"We are amuzed" ... "We are NOT amuzed"

OR ...

"Salt" and "Peppuh"

1. Before the Primaries...

2. After the Primaries....

 Did she apply talcum powder around her eyes or was she just using very large eye covers in the tanning booth/bed.

*shudder*

I accidently had the mental picture of Hillary in a bikini on a tanning bed.

When a liberal speaks, the truth is busy elsewhere.

Sarah Connoooor. I'll be back. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Check out my exclusive edit of BBC News America's interview with Mrs Clinton: It's news to me!

Left: Hey that's really funny Joe. Hey Penn go get the lockbox.

Right: How's it now feel without the family jewels Joe??!!!

#1 Guy in red tie: "What the hell is that? Are they slaughtering chickens or something?"

#2 Guy in red tie: "Ooh I see, it's Hillary the b*ll buster, better cover up!"

"There are two types of people in this country; those who provide freedom and those who enjoy it." MM says...

Before & after of Hillary after seeing this Youtube video.

Fair warning...beverage alert.

David Gregory, do you know which damn network you lie for? ~ Uncle Jimbo, @Blackfive

Of course I love to laugh -- ha-ha-ha!

Ow.

1. Was that really a picture of you we saw on Drudge the other day?

2. Was that really a picture of you we saw on Drudge the other day?

1)  Hillary anticipating being asked to "Move a little closer into the camera"

2)  Hillary at the end of interview and NOT having been asked to "Move a little closer into the camera"

Frame 1 (Joe Scarborough, speaking): Senator Clinton, you say that you've been defending children for 35 years...

Frame 2 (Scarborough, speaking): Now that your brother Tony is a deadbeat dad, will you be defending his children?

"Why am I always seen here at the Drake Diner?  They won't let me leave until I cough up a tip." 

When you put the clowns in charge, don't be surprised when a circus breaks out.

Left; Planted Question

Right: Why did i call on that a**hole?

"Speed dating with Hillary Clinton-

first contact, and ten seconds in."

See me laugh, see me pissed, get used to it chump!!

"Always do right. This will gratify some people, and astonish the rest". Mark Twain

It's the cash-operated Hillary Doll!   Put a quarter in, push the laugh button and watch her throw her head back for a hearty mechanical laugh! 

Amaze liberals!  Astonish friends!  Frighten pets!  

Sorry, no refunds. Before choosing the Hillary Doll, be sure you are willing to live with her.   Cash contributions extra.

Left: HAHA! Guffaw! Chortle!

Right: You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? Then who the hell else are you talkin' to? You talkin' to me? Well, I'm the only one here. Who do the **** do you think you're talkin' to?

Liberal: a power worshipper without power. George Orwell

If you haven't yet seen the video of the Ice Queen in Iowa yesterday, you should take a minute and check it out. (See Townhall)  She not only had her Sunday school teacher planted in the audience, but she said 'Merry Christmas' which is a blatent attempt to compensate for not saying Merry Christmas during her ridiculous ad last week where she gave to the American people gifts.  The act she put on with her Sunday school teacher is so blatantly stilted, it comes off as some weird play made for the theatre of the absurd.  The scary, scary part is that the ad reveals that the Ice Queen has no heart, no soul, no tangible connection to any morals or ethics.  She will say and do whatever it takes to win. 

A CIA Contractor Christmas

Day One. Partridge in a pear tree:
During the night-shift at the NSA, Booz Allen contractors suddenly have
their online Christmas shopping interrupted when Booz Allen proprietary
counterterrorist data-mining algorithms note an unusual spike in
internet chatter of “persons of interest” using the term “partridge in
a pear tree.” Their NSA Contracting Officer’s Technical Rep is
alerted.

Day Two. Two turtle doves. At the
NSA, SAIC contractors discover a correlation between “partridge in a
pear tree” and “two turtle doves.” The NSA notifies the CIA. CIA
analysts who are new to the job due to high Agency turnover do not
recognize the turtle-dove/partridge-in-a-pear-tree pattern, but
speculate that the combination of phrases indicates that a terrorist
plan may have gone operational. The White House is briefed.

Day Three. Three French Hens. Sources on the ground
in Paris are unable to corroborate indications of French involvement.
Officers in the National Clandestine Service suspect the French hens
are a false-flag and secretly hope that the Russians are back in the
game. Due to strong political pressure from the White House, CIA
analysts concede that the Iranian involvement cannot be ruled out.

CIA interrogators at a black site in Burkina Faso send a cable to
Headquarters requesting permission to gut slap an al Qaeda detainee who
may hold valuable information.

Day Four. Four Calling Birds. At the behest of the
Administration, AT&T, MCI, Sprint and Verizon all hand over their
calling data to third-party data warehousing companies that do not face
the same legal restrictions as the telcos, creating a rendition program
of sorts for data. The data warehousers frantically sift through calls.

CIA interrogators at the African black site are frustrated when
Headquarters requests more details about potential information that
could be acquired from the detainee if he is slapped. They curse the
lawyers and compose a response. A senior contractor overseeing
facilities management at the site quips that they should suggest the
detainee may volunteer information about five golden rings, but he
never thinks the kids running the interrogation would not get the
joke. The 26 year-old case officer in charge of the interrogation
cables Headquarters that the detainee likely holds information about
five golden rings.

Day Five. Five Golden Rings. New NSA intercepts
discover “persons of interest” discussing “Five Golden Rings.” With
this new development, CIA analysts suspect terrorists are plotting to
use five dirty bombs to radiate large areas of US metropolitan areas.

The Deputy Director of National Clandestine Service is excited that
one of the black site detainee may know about the golden rings. Over
the objections of his Assistant General Counsel, the Deputy Director
approves the slap.

Day Six. Six Geese-A-Laying. A blogger who monitors
al Qaeda internet sites and chat rooms contacts the Office of the
Director of National Intelligence to alert them to a suspicious
discussion among al Qaeda sympathizers about "six geese-a-laying." The
ODNI passes the intel along to the CIA and NSA and as word of the sites
spread among Intelligence Community members, the sites are slammed with
new visitors from overt beltway bandit IPs in northern Virginia and
Anne Arundel county in Maryland. Suspicious al Qaeda webmasters shut
them down.

Meanwhile at the black site, a CIA interrogator trained in enhanced
techniques, slaps the al Qaeda detainee. A CACI green badger
interpreter with no formal training in interpretation misinterprets the
terrorist’s mumblings as "seven swamis."

The interrogators cable Headquarters with the raw intel and request
permission not only to attention shake the detainee, but to apply sleep
deprivation techniques, justifying the request with their suspicious
they might receive additional information about possible Indian
involvement, which may actually turn out to be Iranian since both words
start with “I”, end with “n”, and have between six and seven letters.

Day Seven. Seven Swans-A-Swimming. NSA contractors
Raytheon, Booz Allen and SAIC have all picked up chatter about seven
swans a-swimming. SAIC analysts at the National Counterterrorism
Center rack up billable hours trying to reconcile this with CIA intel
concerning the seven swamis. Raytheon analysts at Defense Intelligence
insist that the seven swans-a-swimming indicates that seaplanes are
bringing the dirty bombs into the country. With strong pressure from
corporate and the DoD which has been pushing for funding for a
satellite-based seaplane early warning system proposed by Raytheon,
Raytheon green badgers at the ODNI push hard for the seaplane analysis
and win out. It is included in the President’s Daily Brief.

At the Pentagon, with the support of DIA’s General Clapper, the Air
Force claims it should be the lead. The Navy argues that since the
swans are swimming and not flying, clearly this requirement falls under
their command’s area of responsibility. The Marines stand at the ready,
prepared to toast and roast, then eat the swans, whether in the air,
land or sea.

All the while, CIA case officers at the black site stare at the
detainee, waiting on a response to their cable. Junior officers are
afraid if they don’t put the detainee to bed soon, they may be accused
of torture and face possible legal actions. Just to be on the safe
side, they offer a can of Red Bull to the detainee. The Office of
Medical Services on-site physician takes the detainee's blood pressure.

Day Eight. Eight Maids-A-Milking. The Department of
Homeland Security alerts TSA agents to be on the watch for
breastfeeding mothers who may have terrorist involvement. It issues
alerts to local authorities.

With an attack on the Homeland seemingly imminent, a Fusion Center
in Sacramento is used to circumvent various federal privacy laws. In a
piecemeal version of Total Information Awareness, federal, local and
state databases are fused with private marketing databases. Contractors
search through billions of records from phone and credit card and
internet search companies to find breastfeeding behavioral patterns
suggestive of terrorist involvement. They come up with an additional
226,351 persons of interest in the Golden State. The FBI and local
authorities work overtime to investigate all leads. None turn up
anything actionable, but the 226,351 persons of interest are added to
the TSA’s No-Fly list anyway just as a precaution. As a result to the
extra additions to the 600,000 strong list, holiday air travel is
snarled.

At the black site, a cable is received approving administration of
sleep deprivation. The 26 year-old case officer in charge of the
interrogation is relived that his decision to push the envelope with
the Red Bull has not endangered his career. He’s secretly proud he’s
carrying on the tradition of the Agency’s bad boys and starts calling
himself “Captain Bull,” after the legendary, bat-wielding Beirut
interrogator “Captain Crunch.”

Day Nine. Nine Ladies Dancing. Fearing more sexual
harassment training seminars, analysts throughout the Intelligence
Community dismiss intercepts concerning nine ladies dancing and omit
all references to them from their reports.

Day Ten. Ten Lords-a-Leaping. The same day that the
phrase “ten lords-a-leaping” is correlated with the previous NSA
intercepts, ten members of the British House of Lords are killed in
Baghdad by a suicide bomber. They were on their way to observe the
British pullout in Basra under the protection of a Blackwater PSD team.
Blackwater claims that it was not allowed to fire upon a rapidly
approaching white Toyota containing the explosives because the vehicle
did not fit the suicide bomber profile as outlined by the State
Department’s acting head of Diplomatic Security. At a well-attended
press conference the Iraqi Minister of Interior charges that Blackwater
was negligent and should have known to fire upon the occupants of the
suicide vehicle. He holds up a twisted, charred bumper that he claims
was from the VBIED. Plastered to it is the damning yellow bumper
sticker: How’s My Driving? Call 1-800-Al-QAEDA.
International headlines claim Blackwater is responsible for the British
Lord’s deaths because its operators should’ve correctly identified the
VBIED. Congressman Waxman vows to hold Blackwater accountable for its
unforgivable lack of aggression.

Meanwhile at the black site, sleep deprivation is proving to be
ineffective and a cable is sent to Headquarters requesting permission
to waterboard the detainee.

Day Eleven. Eleven Pipers Piping. Outsourced
analysts at the CIA and Department of Energy are convinced that the
latest NSA intercept, “eleven pipers piping” is a thinly veiled
reference to aluminum tubes. Aluminum tubes could really only be used
in a centrifuge enrichment program to develop atomic weapons, they
explain. Under pressure from the Vice President’s office, it’s
determined that the earlier information from the CIA’s detainee program
about seven swamis was misinterpreted. It’s now thought the seven
swamis were an indirect reference to seven Pakistani nuclear scientists
working with Iranians on nuclear weapons.

The black site interrogators receive permission to waterboard the
detainee. Before the procedure begins, the lead interrogator collapses
from the stress that he will end up in front of Congressional
committees and in court for his actions. The detainee is horrified at
the sight of his interrogator crying in a fetal position. He's is
convinced something so horrific is about to happen to him, he breaks
before they can position the Saran wrap over his mouth to protect him
from drowning. The detainee explains that al Qaeda is now working with
Iran to help them with their nuclear weapons development program. He
confirms every suspicion of his interrogators. The black site cables
Langley with confirmation that the seven swamis swimming was actually
seven Pakistani nuclear scientists assisting Iranian WMD development.

Day Twelve. Twelve Drummers Drumming. On the twelfth day of Christmas, the world wakes up to New York Times
headlines, "U.S. Says Ahmadinejad Intensifies Quest for A-Bomb Parts.”
On the same day, twelve top administration officials appear on Sunday
morning talk shows.

On Meet the Press Cheney claims that Iran is "trying,
through its illicit procurement network, to acquire the equipment he
needs to be able to enrich uranium -- specifically, aluminum tubes."
Condi Rice appears on CNN's Late Edition With Wolf Blitzer
and warns "we don't want the smoking yule log to be a mushroom cloud."
Then she recites the evidence in the reverse order in which it was
gathered: "Twelve drummers drumming, eleven pipers piping, ten lords a
leaping, nine ladies dancing, eight maids a milking, seven swans a
swimming, six geese a laying, five golden rings, four calling birds,
three French hens, two turtle doves, and a partridge in a pear tree.”

Blitzer pauses for a commercial break.

Meanwhile at the black site, the CIA contractors and interrogators
are watching CNN via satellite and realize what they’ve just done. The
contractors fire off a cable to their corporate headquarters,
explaining what’s happened and their indirect role in the folly.

But corporate is ecstatic.

The employees at the black site and everyone even remotely
associated with their chain of command in the firm all receive special
Christmas bonuses (a reimbursable expense on their contract). Their
company stock in their 401(k)s quadruple due to increased business
thanks to the war with Iran.

-----------

Happy Holidays, everyone! RJH

Note: I've surprised to see how quickly this is spreading
across the internet. I'm happy for people to post it elsewhere, but
please give a link back and/or credit it something like: "by R J Hillhouse who writes the national security blog, The Spy Who Billed Me. Her most recent book is Outsourced." Thanks!

"Finally a makeup that doesn't crack when I have to fake a smile."

"I was using white-out on all those White House papers during my First Lady stint and now I just looked in the monitor and realized I got some smudged around my eyes. Okay, now I'm pissed."

The picture on the left has a time of 7:25est.

The picture on the right has a time of 5:22mst(which equals 7:22est)

Most of the captions are funny from both sides of the fence.

S