U.S. President George W. Bush speaks to the media in the Rose Garden of the White House, August 2, 2007, following a meeting with members of his cabinet.
Public speaking's never felt this easy. Seriously, I'm ready for my close-up. And another thing, we're going the distance. Thank God I can't see Helen from here ... she could spook a horse in broad daylight.
"My fellow Americans, I'm pleased to tell you today that I've signed legislation that will outlaw inanity forever. We begin bombing Helen Thomas's and David Gregory's houses in fiveminutes. ... Heh-heh-heh ..."
Huh, what? We're on the air? ... ehhh .... Where's Cheney?
I will be resigning the office of President of the United States effective noon today.Vice President Cheney has already resigned.
I offer a heartfelt apology to the American people, and the people of the world, for all the damage I have done during my time in office. I will cooperate fully with federal authorities in any investigations that may conduct of my own conduct or that of people around me.
Based on my own hard experience, I offer three simple pieces of advice for any man or woman who may consider running for the office of the President:
1.) Strive to have enough self-awareness to recognize if you are NOT qualified for the office.
2.) Surround yourself with people who will tell you when you are wrong and push you to consider a variety of options.
I just hope he wipes, flushes, and washes his hands when he's done, for I have seen nothing from this cretin in the 26 weeks he's been a member that didn't belong in a toilet. ns
"...and not only do you have to maintain a safe distance from me, you will also have to start getting hot reporters that look like the t-shirt girl on NewBusters....that means you Helen, most of us are not capable of keeping a meal down after we do a press conference"
"...further more, you shall now call me His Royal Magesty The Big W"
"...grazing will no longer be tolerated as per the vice president. Dick Cheney has shaved his head, wears a monacle, and replaced his right hand with a gold hook, which he will use on anyone grazing anywhere in the world! He has not gone insane, he just started believing all the stuff you guys write!"
"Just so you guys know, there now is a thirty yard buffer zone between you guys, and me planted with APM's, and garlic to protect me from that Vampiress Thomas."
"You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy. We must be cautious. "
My fellow Americans, we are gathered here today so that I can announce that I am resigning from office effective immediately.
The indictment filed last week that charges I have violated my oath of office for leaving the borders open so that I could form the North American Union behind closed doors at the Commerce Department is all true.
I am here today to ask for your forgiveness and am asking that Dick Cheney give me a full pardon.
My last act as President was to give full pardons to Ramos and Compean, Nicholas Corbett, Gilmer Hernandez and have asked the DOJ to prosecute Johnny Sutton for his malicious prosecutions of our Border Patrol Agents.
I hold my head in shame today and ask the American people for leniency.
Editor at Large
Comments Policy
I'm working on my mermaid
August 11, 2007 - 16:00 ET by BlondeI'm working on my mermaid look.
Singing....
August 11, 2007 - 16:05 ET by Army BratAll by myself...doan wanna be...all by myself, anymore... Happy Trails...
...The media, having already
August 11, 2007 - 16:25 ET by dervish...The media, having already decided on what to write about the briefing, didn't bother to come.
Public speaking's never felt
August 11, 2007 - 16:26 ET by CrashPublic speaking's never felt this easy. Seriously, I'm ready for my close-up. And another thing, we're going the distance. Thank God I can't see Helen from here ... she could spook a horse in broad daylight.
Did I just say that out loud?
The bravery of being out of
August 11, 2007 - 16:27 ET by CrashThe bravery of being out of range.
Kosmonut
August 11, 2007 - 16:30 ET by botgin the crowd
Woohoo! Two thumbs up!
August 11, 2007 - 21:28 ET by Roger the ShrubberWoohoo! Two thumbs up!
"...Put up yer dukes!"
August 11, 2007 - 16:52 ET by chloeObrian"...Put up yer dukes!"
Is This Thing On?
August 11, 2007 - 17:22 ET by drillanwr"My fellow Americans, I'm pleased to tell you today that I've signed legislation that will outlaw inanity forever. We begin bombing Helen Thomas's and David Gregory's houses in five minutes. ... Heh-heh-heh ..."
Huh, what? We're on the air? ... ehhh .... Where's Cheney?
"My fellow Americans, I want
August 11, 2007 - 17:49 ET by Del Dolemonte"My fellow Americans, I want to thank the NB staff for removing that scary picture of Hillary in her pants suit".
Caption
August 11, 2007 - 19:44 ET by pocomocoI’m here to announce that I’ve made changes to my cabinet. Note, that none of them are standing behind me.
Out of Site....Out of
August 11, 2007 - 19:52 ET by bigtimerOut of Site....Out of Mind...
...and here we have a live
August 11, 2007 - 21:31 ET by Roger the Shrubber...and here we have a live shot from Helen Thomas' new seat in the White House Press Corps seating area...
Sorry about that -- had them
August 11, 2007 - 21:44 ET by scamoramaSorry about that -- had them burritos for lunch. As soon as the air clears, you can all take your regular places.
In My Dreams...
August 11, 2007 - 22:31 ET by takingmyconstitutionalI will be resigning the office of President of the United States effective noon today.Vice President Cheney has already resigned.
I offer a heartfelt apology to the American people, and the people of the world, for all the damage I have done during my time in office. I will cooperate fully with federal authorities in any investigations that may conduct of my own conduct or that of people around me.
Based on my own hard experience, I offer three simple pieces of advice for any man or woman who may consider running for the office of the President:
1.) Strive to have enough self-awareness to recognize if you are NOT qualified for the office.
2.) Surround yourself with people who will tell you when you are wrong and push you to consider a variety of options.
3.) Don't lie to the American people.
You really oughtn't wank in
August 11, 2007 - 22:36 ET by dervishYou really oughtn't wank in public like that...
Dervish
August 11, 2007 - 22:50 ET by Noel SheppardDervish,
I just hope he wipes, flushes, and washes his hands when he's done, for I have seen nothing from this cretin in the 26 weeks he's been a member that didn't belong in a toilet. ns
tmy...Move to Europe
August 11, 2007 - 22:50 ET by bigtimertmc...
Move to Europe somewhere....anywhere...just go away ;o)
Cool! What happens in
August 11, 2007 - 23:48 ET byCool! What happens in Europe?
Union Jack Bauer (aka 'Liverpool's Dave') lives there, doesn't he/she? Can't be all bad.
Eye.... You eyeing your
August 11, 2007 - 23:57 ET by bigtimerEye....
You eyeing your way there too?
LMAO!
Eye might be inclined, or
August 12, 2007 - 00:11 ET byEye might be inclined, or Eye might find it funny.
Seriously, just got some hate mail, and it was hilarious!
The President announces
August 12, 2007 - 00:00 ET by botgThe President announces that there will be a 30 yard 'green zone' around the White House while the press complies
"Television is where you watch people in your living room that you would not want near your house." Groucho
....'If You Could Read My
August 12, 2007 - 00:37 ET by bigtimer....'If You Could Read My Mind'.....
(enjoy)....
Wow BT
August 12, 2007 - 01:14 ET by Cool ArrowGord's looking kinda old.
Maybe a tour with Roger Whitaker isn't too far off.
....LOL Cool... ....I can
August 12, 2007 - 01:18 ET by bigtimer....LOL Cool...
....I can see Bush thinking some of those exact words to the press though....
Thanks, Bigtimer! NICE
August 12, 2007 - 07:57 ET by ghotifunThanks, Bigtimer! NICE trip down memory lane!
Nobody sings a story better than Gordon Lightfoot.
ghotifun
}}---> fishfun
August 12, 2007 - 08:01 ET by Cool ArrowI can't wait for "Canadian Bridge to Nowhere Trilogy"
"...and not only do you
August 12, 2007 - 01:27 ET by rob6677"...and not only do you have to maintain a safe distance from me, you will also have to start getting hot reporters that look like the t-shirt girl on NewBusters....that means you Helen, most of us are not capable of keeping a meal down after we do a press conference"
"...further more, you shall now call me His Royal Magesty The Big W"
"I may be crazy, but at least I'm not stupid" ME
And for the rest of you,
August 12, 2007 - 02:37 ET by USA4freedomAnd for the rest of you, the lunch room is second door on
the right, Helen you can continue to graze out here.
These are the boys of Pointe du Hoc.
Ronald Reagan- 40th Anniversary of D-Day
"...grazing will no longer
August 12, 2007 - 07:56 ET by rob6677"...grazing will no longer be tolerated as per the vice president. Dick Cheney has shaved his head, wears a monacle, and replaced his right hand with a gold hook, which he will use on anyone grazing anywhere in the world! He has not gone insane, he just started believing all the stuff you guys write!"
"I may be crazy, but at least I'm not stupid" ME
"Clowns to the left of me,
August 12, 2007 - 11:48 ET by Rackie"Clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right, here I am
Stuck in the middle with you."
"Just so you guys know,
August 12, 2007 - 14:13 ET by Blazer"Just so you guys know, there now is a thirty yard buffer zone between you guys, and me planted with APM's, and garlic to protect me from that Vampiress Thomas."
"You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy. We must be cautious. "
- Ben Kenobi on Liberals, and the MSM.
"Ladies and getlemen, I
August 12, 2007 - 16:42 ET by Sir Andrew"Ladies and getlemen, I have just concluded what will be the most important cabinet meeting of my 8 years in office.
We have decided to take the "nuclear option" (pun intended).
The bombing of Mecca begins in 1 minute."
Resignation
August 12, 2007 - 17:01 ET by ScottyDogMy fellow Americans, we are gathered here today so that I can announce that I am resigning from office effective immediately.
The indictment filed last week that charges I have violated my oath of office for leaving the borders open so that I could form the North American Union behind closed doors at the Commerce Department is all true.
I am here today to ask for your forgiveness and am asking that Dick Cheney give me a full pardon.
My last act as President was to give full pardons to Ramos and Compean, Nicholas Corbett, Gilmer Hernandez and have asked the DOJ to prosecute Johnny Sutton for his malicious prosecutions of our Border Patrol Agents.
I hold my head in shame today and ask the American people for leniency.
Is this Mexico or the USA
Wow --
August 12, 2007 - 21:27 ET by dervishYou and takingmyconst should get together and flamenco.