I wouldnt sit next to her either.She nothing but a shill for the Dems left wing.One day she should actually ask a question without giving a political diatribe first.

Oh, thank God, my name isn't in the obituary column!

Passing the time while filling up her Depends, Helen Thomas leafs through the morning edition.

"While attempting to remain indifferent, veteran White House correspondent Helen Thomas wonders to herself if maybe she should have showered this morning after all."

"' 'Pravda' gets better and better each issue." Helen thinks to herself.

"Well I got nothing against the press.  They wouldn't print it if it wasn't true"  'Sunday Papers'

Helen: "Ooh! I love the crossword puzzle. Okay, six letters, across, ends with an 'N', world leader during WW2 attributed with bringing his nation out of the war into unprecedented prosperity. Easy.... Stalin!"

correct answer: Truman

In the first press conference in the newly renovated Brady Briefing Room:

President Bush: The first question goes, of course, to Hellen.

Pause

President Bush: Hellen, go ahead.

Pause

President Bush: HELLEN.

Pause

President Bush: Well, on the bright side, she's still moving. I just saw her turn a page.

Helen Thomas prepares her questions for todays press conference.

1. What is your name?

2. What is your quest?

3. What is the air speed velocity of an un-laden swallow?

(Well, she does bear a strong resemblance to the bridge keeper.)

When asked if he went to war with Iraq to derail the impeachment
vote: “I don’t think any serious person would believe that any
President would do such a thing." - President Clinton (Dec 1998).

In honor of Democrats whom the MSM are 99 percent, I propose the following measures in line with how Democrats deal with the rest of America........and it will please American taxpayers who are being screwed over by these 5 and 6 figure salary rich dolts.

First to honor Burger King Bill Clinton, I propose a Fat Tax. Propagandist and their propaganda rich corporations will be levied a 1000 dollars a pound over 130 for women and 170 for men. That will probably a good 30 grand on Helen Thomas alone.

Second to honor Henry hog nose Waxman, I propose the Ugly Tax on both ears and eyes. For the ears whiners like David Bloom of NBC who hurt the ears and again Helen Thomas who hurts the eyes to look at her a simple 10 dollar word for every word spoken by them and 1000 dollars per appearance before a tv camera.

Third to honor Dan Rather, the constipated for thought tax. Each day Tony Snow will levy a tax on the most stupid question of the conference at 10,000 dollars.

Fourth to honor GlobAl Gore, every propagandist on Air Force One will pay a percentage based upon passengers carried divided up on the total cost of a flight of the president's plane.

Fifth to honor carpetbagger Hillary Clinton, every propagandist will be charged 10,000 dollars per month for office space which they use in the White House.

Finally to honor Teddy Kennedy in his bridge over troubled water, I propose each month Tony Snow by lottery picks a name from a hat and that propagandist will be parachuted into a real war zone and not protected American zones where they bash America from and demand 1 million dollars ransom from al Qaeda to take them back or they will have to suffer with them.

Hopefully, Congress will introduce this bill and it will be passed before they end their Harry at night parties and go on vacation.

*HIC IACET ARTORIVS REX QVONDAM REXQVE FVTVRVS

Thomas:  "I liked it better when I was young and these things came on scrolls.  So much easier to handle!"

When you put the clowns in charge, don't be surprised when a circus breaks out.

What the heck does that have to do with the story?

I wear them and that doesn't make me a stalker or an astronaut.

LYDSEXICS UNTIE!

The thoughts of cat fancier, Helen Thomas, while scanning the coupon section, "Cat food coupons... cat food coupons.... oh, there they are... now, let me remember... oh, yes... 125 cats times... how many cans?""

"Yea I smell it too...old and bitter."

*Sheehan-vs-Pelosi*
"This could get ugly"

While fumbling for her bit__y leftist snivel line for GW, Helen overhears Mr Brett Baer, laughing, "age before beauty, and,  she (pointing) is the reason for the vinyl seat covers in the front row."

Helen:

I'm definately calling this one.

Single white male looking for professional woman with powerfull connections. Must hate Bush, and republicans alike. Likes to sit by the fire and  read passages from Engels, Marx, Trotsky and Lenin. Must believe organized religion is for lunatics, and be able to socialize with the Bourgeoisie. Ideal candidate must be 165 to 275lbs, hair and teeth optional, Wrinkles and body odor OK. 

You know that Broomhilda comic strip is really funny! I just wish I could remember who she looks like.